A Letter to my Brother St. Francis of Assisi

My dear brother Francis,

Over the past few months I have written several letters to you. It was a way to prepare for Solemn Vows and this life which you have inspired. Today I write to you again as your Feast Day draws near, I find it always good to touch base with you near October 4.

I read something recently about you which I have not really considered. I read: “Francis was one of the most free people who ever lived – internally free, that is.” I suppose like the rest of world I always look at you with the outside lens. I see what you did, how you lived, what you desired and worked for and how that still impacts people’s lives today. I guess at times, even as your brother I fail to look deeper and realize why I and so many others are attracted to the way you lived. And yet the answer is in the above statement I read – your freedom. And is that not what I desire? To be free in Christ, like you were? To abandon into God’s love and to surrender to the working of the Holy Spirit?

I know that freedom doesn’t mean easy. I know that freedom is about continual conversion. I know that freedom means a daily voicing of “my heart is ready, O Lord, my heart is ready.” It is maybe now on the other side of pilgrimage to your home town and my Solemn Vows that I can grasp this freedom a little more. Or maybe I know it as a deeper desire or maybe even as living in it a bit more – a bit freer even. I grasp it not in big, grand ways but like you in little ways. To discover where love and wisdom penetrate my living. To seek peace and contemplation as part of my daily living. To be in awe of God’s continual goodness, no matter what. To delight in God’s mercy and grace each day. This is why you were free, isn’t it?

It comes back to simplicity and simplicity means we have a conversion of heart each day. This conversion means freedom for we release ourselves from the bondage of demands, expectations and projects – we make space. Make space to be with our God, to dialogue with Christ and to allow the Spirit to transform us again and again. It is in the daily transformation that leads to true freedom, isn’t it? And you knew this and abandoned into this truth. My brother, help me to see ways each day that I too can do this, for freedom is a great gift which I know calls me to the fullness of life.

You know as I walked the streets of Assisi, I couldn’t help but think that it felt like a noisy maze. I thought about you and how you needed to move out of the maze to encounter God in the quiet and in the open. Not running way from people but rather being able to be present to them away from the distractions of life. It is now as I ponder that, that I understand more about freedom. The heart and soul in tune led you out of the maze into the freedom of God. I desire this in my living.

As I think back to my Solemn Vows there were several moments of freedom, where my heart soared and drew deeper into God’s awesomeness. The way a song filled the air, the embrace of loved ones and my brothers, the moment of the Litany of the Saints, the joy which echoed – all of these moments were glimpses of freedom because I was simply present. The breath of the Spirit drew me in and I was free.

My dear brother the simplicity of your wisdom is amazing to me. You didn’t get caught up in theories or politics rather you got caught up in freedom and because of this you encountered the depths of love. As your brother I too desire this. In the time and place in which I live, in the work which is mine to do, in the learning, in the ministering and in the seeking may I always come to know and encounter the freedom that you did. May I always strive to be open to the freedom which you knew… the freedom which is Christ in the every day, in everything and everyone. When moments consume me with worldly wants and goals may I not get caught up, rather may I leave the maze and so grow in freedom.

My dear brother Francis as we remember and celebrate you and your entry into eternal life please pray for me, pray for all of us. Pray that we breath out the consuming ways we can be caught up with and rather breath in the freedom which you knew and now are embraced in. Continually show us in this day and age that Christ in the love of God and in the openness of the Holy Spirit dwells with us and desire only our freedom.

My dear brother thank you for reminding me again that this freedom is what continually draws me to the Source of Life.

Happy Feast Day!

Until next time,

Your Little Brother Michael

Solemn Vows Reflections: The Vows and a Ready and Grateful Heart

A month ago, I professed to live my life as a Franciscan Friar. In the 30 days which have past the music still lofts through my ears, faces of those present still warm my heart and cards still arrive in mailbox. I’m still coming down the mountain of this life moment as the reality of life and ministry takes shape. As this happens, I consider a key moment in the celebration of Solemn Vows.

One of the key moments of the celebration was the actually profession of vows. I knelt before our Provincial Pierre (Provincial is the Friar which is the leader of a certain country or area where Friars live) and placed my hands into his. There was complete calm in me in this moment. My heart seemed to beat with this sense of “yes Lord.” I remember looking at Pierre and being met with his look of joy, affirmation and fraternal support. I was ready to declare to everyone that I was willing to do this; desiring to profess my life. As I think back to that moment I feel that if my hands were not in Pierre’s I may have been hard to hold down – there was this sense of bubbling up; almost like a desire to dance as I professed to live the rest of my life in obedience, without anything of my own and in chastity. My hands secure in the hands of our Province, my Friar brothers, and family and friends at my back supporting me. I am taken how our Provincial was seated in line below the cross and all the rest of us had it in our gaze. For me it is a sign of our oneness in Christ and how Christ enfolds each of us calling us to be brothers and sisters.

In preparation for Solemn Vows I had prayed the formula for our vows each day for the last six months and on the 23 of each of those months I spent extended time in prayer and reflection with certain words and phrases. In the last few days before vows I read back what I had written in those months previous and was again in awe of how God was at work in my life. My heart was declaring again and again “I am ready, I hold God’s light at my core, this is the dwelling place for God in the good and the bad, in the sorrows and the joys.”

Each Friar makes their vow to God, to live this life and to acknowledge that it the Lord who “inspired me to follow more closely the Gospel and the footprints of Our Lord Jesus Christ.” As each of my Brothers before me, I too vowed to “give myself to this fraternity with all my heart.” It is the action of the Holy Spirit which leads me to strive to serve in love not only God but also the Church and all people. Those are powerful words that I have reflected on. Giving myself with all my heart binds me to Christ. As Christ washed the feet of his disciples so I am called to serve – whether that is scrubbing toilets, leading a retreat, praying with someone one, being a listening ear, clearing tables, quiet prayer, reading scripture, writing, sitting in a meeting, helping at Mass or putting flowers in a vase. “My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready” was not just a nice catch phrase for the programs at Solemn Vows, it truly is a daily prayer which reminds me of the gift of my vows and the giving of my heart.

In this final reflection on my Solemn Vows I close with my journal entry from August 26 (3 days later), it seems to summarize well the gift that was, the gift that is and the gift that will be as I continue on my journey as Solemnly Professed Franciscan Friar.

God of Life,

My God and My All,

I give you praise and thanks for the gift of these days surrounding my Solemn Vows. They have been but a taste of your goodness, love, generosity and richness.

I am so grateful and so filled with awe. Thank you! Thank you for being present in the fullness of these days and for being the life breath of these celebrations. I am so grateful for joy in the set up, rehearsals and final details. I am so grateful for the music (such good music – thank you choir!!), to be able to greet guests as they arrived, for the vows, the Eucharist and just being present in it all. I am so grateful for the energy and excitement at the reception and the stories and laughter at the bonfire, for the early next morning, breakfast visits, guest visiting the Mount, more visiting, and fond “see you soons”, and to this moment… pure wonder and awe and your goodness.

Thank you for calling me to this life – to lie the gospel and embrace the demands it calls me to.

Thank you for good people – family, friends, friars, neighbours and so on who have been a gift and who support me and call me to see life rooted in you.

I give you thanks and praise for my vows and the blessings which surround these sacred days and bonds.Thank you, my God and My All! Thank you.

I humbly ask for your continued prayers for the Franciscans in Canada and for myself as we strive to be bearers of the gospel. 

God’s richest blessings of peace and all good for each of you.

St. Francis and St. Clare… pray for us.

Solemn Vows Reflections: Scripture

I would say that scripture can best be described as the undercurrent in my life. It is that constant wisdom that has pulled me out of myself. Scripture is the words which have peppered my daily living with the way, the truth and the life. Scripture is more than words and more than a path it is an encounter and a continuous engagement with The Word – Jesus. As a Franciscan who has vowed to live his life in the pattern of the gospel, scripture is the map and the destination; it is points of interest and places of nourishment. It calls to me when I fail to spend more time with it, it awakens me to truths and depths on who I am and it raises me up to new heights as I continue to discover who I am as a Child of God.

I am grateful for the introduction to scripture when I was a child. In grade 4 when we were presented our bibles in religion class, I knew I was being entrusted with something that was not meant to collect dust rather it would be my faithful companion for the journey. I am thankful that during my liturgical and theological studies I had great professors who challenged me to go deeper with the words I was reading for they are in a sense tattooed on my heart. 

Several months before my Solemn Vows our Provincial Minister challenged me to pray with the scripture I would like for the Solemn Vows Eucharist.  He suggested I let it sit within me and to let the words fill me for they would be a branding – a way which will speak of my life as a Solemnly Professed Friar. This was wise advice and I am grateful for his comments. 

The celebration of Solemn Vows in some ways is a launching point and in others ways it is a connection to the journey which has led to this point. It is a reflection of life lived so far and the next part of the journey which is unfolding. I pondered that as I looked to the scripture which spoke to my journey, my turning points and this launching. The scripture which I ended up selecting spoke of listening to and for God. They spoke of being rooted and free in Christ (much like St. Francis) and they spoke of humble service, witness and generosity. Yes, these would be the phrases which I would accept as my branding, the desire for my life as I continue as a Friar and as I embrace who I am as a Child of God.

Each piece of scripture would also be proclaimed by people who have journeyed with me. They would represent the ebb and flow of life, the connections which support journeys and be the voices of a people gathered as one community the evening of my Solemn Vows. 

The first piece of scripture was proclaimed by longest life friend Heidi (we met on the first day of Kindergarten). It was from the Old Testament – 1 Kings 19: 9, 11-13. It is the story of Elijah encountering God in the still small voice or silence. These verses are significant to my journey for after I was asked that famous question, “Why the heck aren’t you a Friar?” and I had nothing to say – it was in that silence that ‘something clicked’ – that I was quiet enough to let the still small voice of God whisper, “Yes, why aren’t you?” The first time I heard this scripture proclaimed after the night of that question I couldn’t believe it as it felt like my experience. These verses also speak of listening to God, contemplation and being a vessel for God and  are significant to the branding I embrace.

Psalm 63 was selected and sung by my friends Chad and Michaela. “God my God you I crave, my soul thirsts for you like a dry and weary land” is the refrain which has rung in my ears for years. I first remembering hearing this psalm sung in a large chapel by a deacon about 12 years ago. His voiced filled the chapel and filled my heart. I was completely moved as once again scripture was speaking to my journey. This longing for God is a life long journey; this craving is what keeps me focused and driven on gospel living and is the gift of a life time journey. Not a craving in desperation rather a craving to draw closer to the one who is the fountain of life-giving water.

The New Testament scripture from Ephesians (3:14-20) was proclaimed by Friar Jean-Louis in French. These verses penned by St. Paul speak of being rooted in Christ and being immersed in his love. For me, they speak of dwelling in Christ for the width and breadth, height and depth of his love is ever present to me. Christ challenges me to bring him to the world as I try to live as a holy and living icon and tabernacle. I will never fully grasp the love of God and for that I am thankful, but this scripture is encouragement to be aware of that love each day.

John 13:1-15 was proclaimed by my friend Deacon Ryan. It is the story about Jesus washing his disciples’ feet. It is the gospel which St. Francis requested be read as he was dying. This gospel is core to who I am. A man of service, a man giving his all for Christ and his brothers and sisters, a man who takes his lead from Christ and tries each day to embody being a servant – humble, joy-filled and aware. A man who through his words and actions tries to radiate Christ, being a messenger of the Good News – of God with us – always, of love and being loved. A man who sees with his heart and acts from and with his heart, a man who eagerly desires to serve well and not be ashamed of who I am. A man who is brother and friend. A man who when he forgets all of this is called back to living this pattern of the gospel because of this scripture. 

These are the readings which were proclaimed at the celebration of my Solemn Vows. They branded me as I walk into vowed life for they have been anchors for me in the journey to vows and will continue to be so in the weeks and years ahead. This Good News is my good news and who I am as a Child of God.

Solemn Vows Reflections: The Litany of Saints

Two weeks ago, today I made my Profession of Solemn Vows. As I move into my ministry as part of our Retreat Team, I have been pondering the blessings of the celebration and trying to linger in the moments of that day.

One of the key elements of the Profession Rite of Solemn Vows is the Litany of Saints. This powerful moment of calling upon our brothers and sisters in heaven and the whole Body of Christ happens right after the candidate has been examined and before the profession of vows. It is the hinge moment linking the journey that was, to this moment and to the journey which will be.

I have been asked several times about this moment during my Solemn Vows. I will try to capture what was happening within me, around me and some insights which have been shared with me.

After I had been examined by our Provincial, I took from my mom and dad a pillow which had the word loved quilted onto it (it was made by my Aunt Debbie after a retreat I presented and is my word for the year). I placed the side with love quilted on it face down to the floor. This was intentional as a reminder that I am anchored in the love of Christ, and that because of the love of family, friends and my brother Friars I am at this moment in time.

I then laid down in cruciform position (shape of a cross) and the choir began to sing the Litany of Saints. Here I am laying on the floor between friars, my family and friends. There were several things going through my mind very quickly as I settled into the moment. Lying on the floor surrounded by amazing people and the cloud of witnesses in the Saints reminded me of my vulnerability, my poverty – my desire to have a ready heart pouring out my all into Christ and for Christ.

I remember thinking, “this is happening, this is really happening… be present.” I took a deep breath – not one of holding my breath but a deep breath filling me with peace. It was in these moments (which all happened very quickly at the beginning of the Litany) that my commitment to living as a religious brother filled me with deep peace.

As I laid on the floor I felt held. There was this great sense of being held up and also being held in someone’s arms (maybe even everyone’s present). I was within reaching distance of the arms which first held me and the arms which would next embrace me into this way of life. This was the beauty of that moment and being held, of making this commitment and of trusting that God was indeed at work and holding me (as God always has).

I also remember being filled with great joy, almost a giddiness. I can best describe it as “childlike faith”. It was maybe for the first time in my life that I understood or was able to capture what “childlike faith” was or felt like or that is was palpable. I remember smiling as my head rested on the pillow and thinking, “this is happening: I am held, I am loved, I am free, I am surrounded by love and witnesses of faith who also knew the gift of childlike faith.”

My friend Matt, who is a pastor of a Lutheran community captured this moment well:

This summer Claire and I were invited to a service in Cochrane. It was where our friend, and Franciscan brother made his lifetime, solemn vows. It was a rich and beautiful evening. 

The most moving moment was during the Litany. Michael came forward in front of the altar, and he laid face down with arms outstretched in the shape of the cross. And in that posture the congregation responsively sung the prayers. I was undone in that moment. 

It was symbolic of emptying himself in order to be empowered. It was symbolic of following Jesus. 

As a gathered people… we aspire to be shaped by the cross. It’s the cruciform shape and posture that announces a forgiving God. It announces and enacts love in the face of hate, life in the face of death, beauty in the face of disfigurement. 

The One who hung from the Cross continues to shape us by Spirit into this posture. And we find in Him, everything we’ve yearned for, but were unable to verbalize. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

This is who we are as the children of God – the Body of Christ called to carry the cross, proclaim the good news and be vessels of hope, love, justice and peace. The tasks are not easy, the burdens sometimes many, but the One in whom we are claimed in as children of God is always with us.

As I laid prostrate on the floor one of my nieces whispered to her mom, “When is he coming back to life?” A question we must ask ourselves every day. As children of God baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ, how are we rising again and again to new life? I know it’s the question I have asked myself in the days since my Solemn Vows. I will continue to ask myself this question as I strive to be the saint I am called to be and celebrate being incorporated into the Body of Christ.

The Litany of Saints – connection to baptism 

– a reminder to love and serve the gospel way of life

 – a moment captured in my Solemn Vows.