Craving God

God, you are my God, you I seek,
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands and call on your name.
My soul is satisfied as with a rich feast,
and my mouth praises you with joyful lips
when I think of you on my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me
- Psalm 63



Over the course of my Postulancy Year, I have had the great privilege of leading Taize Prayer. Tonight is the last one that I will lead. This is my brief reflection. If you get the chance to read or sing it, Psalm 63 on page 658 in Catholic Book of Worship III is the version of the psalm I make reference to in my reflection.


The first time I heard this psalm sung it was early morning on a warm summer day, I was sitting in the old chapel at Newman College. It was sung by a classmate of mine, a tall, distinguished man who sung it from the depths of his soul, because it was more than just words to him or song to sing. His voice filled the whole chapel and stirred the depths of me and spoke to my soul. It continues to do this each time I hear it and pray the words.

I don’t think I had heard this psalm before that day and if I had it had not stood out. But that day, I heard my deepest desires and my cravings, I heard my own praise and adoration, I heard my own gratitude and honesty expressed in a way I had not been able to express. Since that first time I heard it, the words of this psalm have crossed my lips over and over again. I have sung it in prayer, I have whispered it in dark times, and I have ponder its meaning and depth for me as I journey with my God.

This psalm states what the desires of life of a Christian are, to crave God each day, to know that God walks with us and blesses us and that God is our strength and hope. It reminds us that God goes before us and is with us, that God is our strength and that God is the promise of our dry land being turned into a land overflowing, and filled with milk and honey.

This psalm seems to best describe my journey that has lead me to here and now and launches me into the journey ahead. I know how I have searched for God and ached for God and how much God has found me and soothed my aching.

I desire more and more to gaze upon God. Just as Francis gazed upon the San Damiano Cross, just as Clare gazed upon the Eucharist I find myself being drawn more and more to gaze upon my God, to contemplate Christ and how he truly fills my craving and thirsting.

God’s love is my life, it is what fills me up and enables me to go forth and share the blessings that fill my life. Over and over again my life has been blessed. As I consider the places and people I have encountered, as I ponder the opportunities that have opened up the path, as I reflect on this past year and the beginning of my journey into religious life, I do indeed give praise to God and feast at the very rich table of our Generous God.

I also know that in my darkest moments, in my hurts and pains, even in my selfishness, greed, sinfulness and trying to fill my craving for God with lies I have clung to God. I have begged for mercy and help and in every moment of darkness God’s mercy and help pulls me out of my self-misery and shelters me in comfort and love. I am called to fullness and to live as the best version of the Child of God I am. Clinging to God has been the best decision I have made, for I always know God’s light is in my dark and that I am never alone.

Yes, God my God, I crave you for you are my all in all, you are my source and summit of life. When I forget this gift you gently invite me to encounter it over and over again. I thirst each day for you to pour your amazing love into my life and each day you do.

God, my God, I crave you for you are the path of life, your table is indeed rich to feast at and you always hold me close. God, my God… God, our God… you are the refreshment and life not just for me but for all people. We place our hope in knowing you are with us here and now, yesterday and tomorrow, in darkness and in light. God, our God, you we crave! Yes… You we crave and only You can fill our craving!

Holy Ground Holy Silence

Over the past several days I have been on an Hermitage Experience. What that means is that I live as a hermit (for the most part) in quiet, in prayer, in conversation with God, in time away from the of community and the world. The only time I encountered people was for daily Mass. My Director took on the mother role for this time and provided me with my daily supper meal (I had food for other times) and then we switched roles and he became the hermit and I took on the mother role. For the most part when I left the hermitage, the quiet continued I just settled in with my Franciscan Brothers who live nearby, and except for conversations at meals, the quiet continued. This was a blessed time, a sacred time, a grace-filled time. It is not the first time I have spent time as a hermit or in quiet for an extended period of time, however this time seemed different, it seemed to grasp me differently.

Being on the Poor Clares Monastery grounds was a gift in itself, being on this Holy Ground, near the community of these holy and joy-filled sisters was encouraging and supportive. I knew I was being held in prayer. Being able to walk from my simple little hermitage to their chapel for quiet prayer and Mass was a walk filled with blessings. Being able to go for walks in the quiet with no time restraints, being able to rest, to read, to ponder, to pray, to listen, to contemplate and to converse with God fanned the flame in my heart that is burning with a Franciscan desire for Jesus. Being wrapped up in deep thoughts, in words of prayer, in words of scripture, in time that had no demands, in words flowing into my journal; these all came from my depths and stirred within me because God who is always at work in me was working overtime in me.

As my Postulancy Year comes to a close and after a few very busy weeks, the gift of this week of quiet to be able to look back, look ahead and look within allowed for me to connect with Jesus in a very real way and also see how Francis is calling me to continue to be a part of his dream. It is hard to put into words all that stirred within me; some of it because it is deeply personal, some of it because in that moment it was the gift I needed, some of it because it is hard to describe the emotions one feels when you hear the voice of God affirm you and say ‘I love you very much’, some of it because of how quiet and nature can speak to the soul and some of it because words just can't fully describe the power and blessings of this time.

God continues to work in and through me,
God continues to call me and empowers me,
God continues to say you are where I need you, trust me.

So I do, and the journey continues,
So I do, and peace settles deeper within me,
So I do, and open myself up to fullness of life.

During my hermitage time I again came across a quote that says: ‘At the heart of Francis is the heart of Christ.’ Each time I read it, it expanded to be ‘At the heart of Francis and at the heart of Michael is the heart of Christ.’ Then the gospel on one of the hermitage days said: ‘Abide in me, as I abide in you.’ These words from scripture give depth to the quote, for these words have always brought me comfort and joy.

‘At the heart of Francis and at the heart of Michael is the heart of Christ’ speaks deeply to abiding in Christ and Christ abiding in me. This abiding from both perspectives invites me to trust in Christ, to rest in him, to move and be in him, but it is also assurance that Christ lives in me and loves in me and moves in me. Christ calls me to life and calls me to share in his life.

Abiding in Christ is blessing-filled, grace-filled and hope-filled. Christ abiding in me is my heart beating to his heart, my life unfolding with him as my center, my actions and words more and more becoming his and me trusting that he has begun and will fulfill a good work in me.

Yes Lord, I abide in you and I’m so very thankful that you abide me.

So grateful for this rich Franciscan tradition of hermitage time and the blessings it has poured into my life. I hope and pray that you can see where blessings have filled your week.

Jump, Walk, Leap: New Life in Christ

This past weekend I had the great opportunity to work with my Director on presenting a retreat for the Secular Franciscans (lay order connected to the Friars). It was so great to be part of the retreat. I am sharing with you my closing reflection.

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer,
at three o’clock in the afternoon.
And a man lame from birth was being carried in.
People would lay him daily at the gate of the temple
called the Beautiful Gate
so that he could ask for alms from those entering the temple.

When he saw Peter and John about to go into the temple,
he asked them for alms.
Peter looked intently at him, as did John, and said,
‘Look at us.’

And he fixed his attention on them,
expecting to receive something from them.
But Peter said, ‘I have no silver or gold,
but what I have I give you;
in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, stand up and walk.’
And he took him by the right hand and raised him up;
and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong.
Jumping up, he stood and began to walk,
and he entered the temple with them,
walking and leaping and praising God.

All the people saw him walking and praising God,
and they recognized him as the one who used to sit
and ask for alms at the Beautiful Gate of the temple;
and they were filled with wonder and amazement
at what had happened to him.
- Acts 3.1-10

This piece of scripture is a great Easter story. It reminds us that since the Resurrection of Christ, his followers have been put into action.

Think about it in the day of and days immediately following the Resurrection…
Angels descending,
Women running to tell the good news,
Apostles running to see for themselves,
Disciples walking to Emmaus,
Disciples running from Emmaus,
Disciples going fishing,
Followers gathering,

And these are just from the four gospels, not to mention all the stories, besides the one we just heard that are recorded in Acts.

The Resurrection is about being put into motion. Each of us, each day, as Easter people have the same gift to offer that Peter and John did to the lame man. We are called to offer Christ to others in our words and actions.

I think of the times in my own life when I have been put into motion to share good news… the birth of my nephews and nieces, in greeting friends, in praying with the community, in celebrating the accomplishments of others! Simple events that call me to jump up and give praise!

I love how in this story the man recognizes that the name of Jesus is more powerful, is more life-changing then silver and gold. Makes me ponder my own life and look at the things I have, the opportunities I have, and the privileges I have. Do I recognize Christ in them? Do I see Christ is present in my every day?

What causes me to jump up? To leap and praise God? To be filled with wonder and amazement?

Does the name of Jesus cause my heart to stir? Or is it just another name? Can I boldly praise my God?

Those are some tough questions. I have been pondering them and I have been trying to determine why this reading stirred me so deeply.

Maybe it’s because it challenges me to kindle the fire that was lit in me at my baptism. Maybe it’s because it challenges me to look at my life to see how I am living as an Easter person. Maybe it’s because it challenges me to go forth from my comfort zones and be a witness for Christ.

Over the course of this past year as a Postulant I have at times felt like the lame man sitting by the gate waiting. I have been waiting for a sign, a spark, a sense of hope, a voice of comfort and support.

Time and time again the Friars that I live with have said to me, ‘Look at us.’ And have offered me witness of Christ present in my midst. They have given me the opportunity to stand and walk, they have strengthened my stand and my journey of faith. They have helped me to praise God, they have helped me to discover more about wonder and amazement in the blessings of my life and by offering me Christ Jesus again and again in very real ways – support, wisdom, encouragement, prayer, listening, challenging me and on and on. They have shown me the message of Jesus and how the call to action is real in my life.

It is this same call to action that moved Francis and Clare to accept nothing but the name of Jesus, and to radically stand, jump, leap and praise God. As I can see myself in the lame man made more whole, I discover that the vows I desire to make, the vows of chastity, obedience and poverty are rooted in accepting more and more that Jesus is my source. As Francis and Clare discovered they were made rich not by silver and gold but by Christ, I too desire this more. In accepting this they were able to praise God for a deep love and being able to share that love freely. They were able to praise God for being able to follow Christ in deep trust. They were able to praise God for having everything but yet owning nothing. Simply the gift of Jesus left them filled, filled with wonder and amazement and that was enough. I too desire this to be my enough.

So I am challenged to embrace the message of this scripture, to live out my baptismal call, to fan the flame and to live as an Easter person. For this scripture story opens me up to and opens us all up to the message of Easter which is:

Death is not the end of the story, for our God is a God of surprises!

We are called by faith and not by sight alone as we always look for Christ in others and the world around us.

We must seek Christ in the midst of the mess and build our hopes on Christ for
True strength is in sharing His joy, love, hope and kindness. (Dare I say that sounds like means for jumping, leaping and praising!)

And finally we must remember that doubt is not an enemy of faith, but disengagement is. We must refuse to let disengagement take any hold of us, for we are an Easter people, Alleluia is our song and we are people set in motion!

To borrow the concluding words of the Mass, each day we are called “to go in peace, glorifying the Lord with our lives”. We have been commissioned “Thanks be to God” indeed! Alleluia!

The Emmaus Walk

This past Sunday we heard what I think is one of the greatest Gospel stories. The story of Jesus meeting the disciples on the road and how they discover the gift of Jesus present in the word and bread broken. It reminds us that Jesus meets us over and over again where we are. In our joy and sorrow, in our questions and celebrating, in the quiet and in the serving, in all parts of this great journey of life.

The story goes a little something like this...

Walking the road with a friend,
discussing life and how much it's changed,
hopes crushed, promises dashed, questions swirling,
our thoughts interrupted by a fellow pilgrim.

We welcome him and invite him to walk with us.
He asks us why we are so glum.
We look at him with disbelief,
surely you know what has happened these past days.

He looks at us with questioning, yet twinkling eyes
and we say to him in a matter of fact way,
"our hope of redemption - Jesus the Christ
has been crucified and buried but now we are old he lives!"

He stops us and says in matter of fact way,
"But you know he needed to die to enter glory!"
Then this fellow pilgrim
tell us us the great stories of our faith we have forgotten.

He fill us up with hope and reminds us that we have lost heart,
we desire to hear more and beg him to stay for a meal.
He agrees and we enter our home.
We prepare a simple meal.

At supper our guest very comfortably takes the bread,
blesses it and breaks it and gives it to us.
Can it be? Can it really be? Is it him?
When we look up from the gift in our hands, he is gone.

We are filled with so much joy and awe,
that in quick movements we pack up and leave,
with renewed energy we rush back to friends,
we have such great news to share.

Our hearts are alive,
our minds are bursting,
our lives make sense,
our hope restored... our Redeemer lives!

We find our friends, all of them together.
They tell us they know the Lord is risen!
We say, "we know, indeed he has risen!
We have heard him and seen him and he has shared himself with us!"

Our hearts are burning with joy,
the stories of the past make sense,
the life of our friend and savior is life-giving,
the gift of his very self fills us abundantly!



The story of Emmaus is our story, the Emmaus walk is our walk. Jesus comes to us in the sorrow and the joys and fills us with his love and mercy and graces. We then are called to share the good news for we are renewed, refreshed and we are nourished, our eyes are opened to glory and wonder and the true gift of Christ. Our lives are changed and we are sent to be new life!

The walk of Emmaus is joy and is hope,
it stirs our hearts,
it serves as a reminder,
it calls us to action,
it declares... we are an Easter people.

We must go forth,
nourished by the word and broken bread
to make our Risen Lord known in the world.

I love that He trusts us that much!