Chaos & the Cross

Last week I met with my Spiritual Director. She told me to remember to focus on the cross. That statement really struck a chord with me. I believe so often when we think of the cross all we think of is Good Friday, the horror of the cross and how tough it is to carry. I could have easily got caught up in those thoughts but funny how none of those thoughts crossed my mind when that statement was shared with me.

 

Right now chaos is the best word to describe where I am in my journey. I could easily focus on the cross being too heavy, too overly burdensome, too much to deal with, or too painful to ponder. I was sharing with a friend the other day that it feels like when I was a child and was signed up to go to summer camp. I wanted to go to camp, I was excited about, but as I thought about the week ahead I would get very worked up and would find myself on our staircase just outside the bathroom door and would sit there and cry about not wanting to go to go camp. I would position myself there for I knew my Mom would come out of that bathroom and as much I wanted her to say, ‘it’s okay, you don’t have to go.’ She would comfort me and challenge me to look ahead and focus on the positive and adventure and the good of going to camp. That perfectly describes where I am right now in the journey. So instead of focusing on the hardship or horror or pain of the cross I’m working on the focus to be the glory and life-giving nature of the cross.

 

Thomas A Kempis once said: ‘If you carry your cross joyfully, it will carry you.’ That is so true and yes at times it is going to be hard to carry and we will have to face hardships but we are called to carry the cross with joy. We must remember that the cross is our sign of life and we are people of the resurrection. The cross is my hope and my anchor, the cross is my guide and my strength. As I look to the changes and challenges in the months ahead I am trying more fully to embrace the joy-filled cross of Saint Francis and trying to walk more closely in his sandals! For walking in his sandals brings me closer to Jesus and that is always a good thing.

 

Year Ahead Update: It has now been confirmed who my director will be and who the friars are that I will be living with. There is quite the age range in our house, I believe 36 – 96. I am excited for this new aspect of community, hopefully having 2 brothers and a sister growing up and now 2 nephews and 6 nieces will have prepared me a bit for this. I will be guided by some great men in my postulancy year. My director is a young friar who is a priest. I will have a classmate from Venezuela, and one of the friars that will make his final vows in August will also be living in community with me, not mention the guidance of those who have been friars for 30, 40, 50+ years. I have met some of these remarkable men already and feel very encouraged and welcomed. I’m sure the community in which I will live will be a good way to fully experience the path of St. Francis.

 

I ask for your continued prayers in this time of chaos as the journey unfolds.