When I began this journey as a Postulant, there were four of us in initial stages of formation 1 Novice and 3 Postulants. Fast forward 2 months and there was 1 Novice and 2 Postulants fast forward another 3 months and there was now 2 Postulants, fast forward to today and now there is just me.
Over the course of this year those who I have entered with or were initial stages of formation have left for various reasons. Postulancy and Novitiate Years are meant for this type of discernment. These years are formative and ask us: Is this your calling? Are you called to be Franciscan? Is religious life for you?
Out of our group, 1 left for his home country, 1 left to pursue other interests and 1 has left to apply for diocesan priesthood. I know it has not been easy for any of them and I know prayer has played a part in their discernment.
So now I get asked ‘are you staying?’ or ‘why are you staying?’ or ‘are you going to be okay by yourself?’
So let me answer those questions…
1. Are you staying?
Yes! Yes I am staying on the journey to become a Friar. I am staying for a while longer in my Postulancy House and coming to understand more about community, deepening my prayer life, facing new challenges and embracing the gift of religious life. The journey will continue on into Novitiate and then into life as a simply professed Brother. Staying is about life, about commitment, about listening to God and trusting that voice.
2. Why are you staying?
Good question! Why am I staying? I have been reviewing and pondering this over the past few days. I am staying because there is a deep peace that settles in my heart when I think about the future and when I focus on where I am today and how I have grown. I am staying because even when things are not ‘perfect’ there is always a greater sense of hope, of promise and of understanding more what it means to be a brother. I am staying because my discernment process over a year ago was very good and clearly opened me up to this gift. I am staying because my on-going discernment leads me to where I am and where my future takes me. I am staying because the gift of being a Friar has become entwined in my gifts and skills and desire to offer both as the best version of myself. I am staying because the thought of staying excites me and fills me with hope.
3. Are you going to be okay by yourself?
Well so far so good, because I know I’m never really by myself. Besides knowing that Jesus is at my side always and that Francis continues to point a way to Jesus there are always others on the journey.
I am currently in a community that offers experience, challenges me, makes me laugh and helps me to look at being a Brother from many angles.
I have amazing people in my corner both near and far that support me through prayers, thoughts, encouragement and deep love. In this set of amazing people I have the support of my family and dear friends who remind me again and again… ‘be yourself… offer you… share your gifts…’. That good advice helps me when frustrations or setbacks cloud my ‘staying’ power.
I look forward to forming a new community with other Novices (in a few short months) who are also ‘staying', searching, are welcoming and who understand the journey of religious life. Brotherhoods are beginning to take shape which will turn out to be bonds that will strengthen the next part of the journey.
There you have it, the reasons why I am staying and I do believe they reflect my initial reasons that led me into this amazing journey.
For the journey so far I am thankful,
Three things keep me focused on the ‘goal’ – Jesus, Francis and Hope
To be open and to continue to dream are the roots of my staying…
One Life that’s all we get, and what journey it is…
I never thought I would be here but I wouldn’t trade it in now, that’s for sure!
St. Francis once said:
It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.
The journey is to be continued…
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